This past year has been a year of great loss for me. As you all know my father was one of those losses. Losing a parent is something you think about but never can really imagine what it feels like until the final curtain is drawn. I applaud my father for his bravery and love that he showed for his family in his final weeks. With the inevitable end of my father’s life, inside my heart changed. It became bigger, softer, warmer . . . more aware of what’s really important in life. My way of thinking changed . . . forgiveness came easier, a new calm entered my life. My emotional self opened up and showed my vulnerabilities. I found truth in the person that I had become. I found myself reaching out to strangers, to help, to smile, to listen. At the same time, I felt very alone, isolated, sad, crippled. I was surrounded by illness, death, filled with pain and loss through most of the year and in a very dark place at times. Was it a test, to see how I could deal with what the universe lay down in front of me.
Dissolving relationships, different paths, new journeys, hope, disappointment, birth, death, connections, re-connections, disconnections, growth, sadness, despair, peace . . . these are some things I dealt with through the year. Probably not much different than many others did through their year. After all — we are all human. I had some ‘feel good’ moments through the year as well and am thankful for all the small things and intimate moments I experienced.
All this said – in the year to come I will take all these experiences from this past year and use them as a positive forward step in my journey. So if you should fall, find the strength to get back up and continue to live through these obstacles. Seek out happy, find your truth, surround yourself with people that give you strength and share their energy and most of all, give you time. With each passing moment is a little less time. I am blessed that I took that time with my father and am forever grateful.
Happy New Year
Most inspirational/meaningful music for me through my darkest times in 2014:**NOTE I love all albums by all 3 artists. My most played and listened to in my headset when looking for creative inspiration.
Antony & The Johnsons
30 Seconds to Mars